Love it!!! You have two topic sentences and you did a great job on choosing evidences to support the topic. I also love how you choose your words, pretty good! :)But the part I quiet do not understand is when you say greedy people leave their families because as the part you mention your evidence, it did not show what you analysis. It will confuse people when they read this part. Although, your essay still hook me by the first question in your introduction.
Love it!!! You have two topic sentences and you did a great job on choosing evidences to support the topic. I also love how you choose your words, pretty good! :)But the part I quiet do not understand is when you say greedy people leave their families because as the part you mention your evidence, it did not show what you analysis. It will confuse people when they read this part. Although, your essay still hook me by the first question in your introduction.
ReplyDeletethanks for your comment, Duong. ill try better next time!
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